The Balloon Story

I got tenure at LTU in the spring of 1999. For most of you reading this that is old news, and you may or may not have been a part of the celebrations. I have accumulated some helium balloons with things like "Congrats" and "Now what?" on them (ok, I made up that last one). I had them bundled together over a table I have in my living room (still bouncing against the ceiling). Four were tied together.

Ok, I came home from school one Monday evening. The bundle was not over the table .. as I journeyed farther in to the apartment, I saw them over my bed in my bedroom. "That's strange," I said to myself (hey, talking to myself is not a sign of mental instability is it? 'No, Scott, of course not.') I didn't remember moving them into the bedroom when I left that morning - oh, well. Move them back out to the table.

Ok, so I come home from school on Tuesday ... the balloons are gone again. They are not in the bedroom over my bed. All of a sudden I realized .. my brother has keys to the apartment! That little shnook! Ok, where did he put the balloons? I cautiously peered into the "breakfast nook" .. the utility closet (a closed door - scary!) .. even behind the shower curtain - where the heck are they? I went back into the bedroom and happened to turn around - they were in the walk-in closet - deep in the closet .. as in way in the back. Ok, an obvious message from Blair - he was chortling Monday night thinking that I was confused about the balloons, but he is not an inordinantly cruel person .. so he left me a message - "hey, look at the balloons deep in the closet - gee, how did they get there?"

I almost picked up the phone at that point to compliment him on the gag ... but then, a light glimmered. Let's catch the prankster on film! I have a camera that I can set for multiple timed exposures .. I set it up to capture the 8-2pm time slot (figuring he was coming at lunch time) - thus every 15 minutes. Then I realized that if I hid the camera, the chances that I would get (balloons, balloons, no balloons, no balloons) was probably pretty good [that is, I would miss him unless he happend to be there at that moment of the click.] So, since I figured he would have to do something very drastic since "obviously I had not figured it out yet" - I decided to make the camera obvious, and actually put a note on it mentioning the times it was going to go off. Also, I trimmed the strings slightly so they would stay up (and separated the balloons) so that he could be creative with them.

Get home wednesday - the balloons are in the same place - damn! Maybe he gave up on the trick. Ok, I'm not going to burn another roll if he has given up, time to make the call. Blair laughs when confronted but denies all knowledge. I explain in detail and point out that he has only working set of keys. He becomes serious and points out that we are now talking about the security of my apartment and he would not joke about that. Wow, now the conversation turns really serious, since I realize this was not a joke. Dum dum dummmmmmmm (that's the sinister music sting).

Ok, we go over the possibilities .. nothing seems reasonable. He tries the theory that the air currents will move them around. I counter with the fact that there are 1 foot "barriers" for the balloons to get under to move out of the living room, then a lip to get into the bedroom, then another lip to get into the walk-in closet. Seems so unlikely as to be impossible (are you appreciating the irony of that statement?). As I talk (and now his wife Nell has joined the conversation), I tie on the scraps to the strings to make the balloons less buoyant. Also, I'm reheating some pizza in the oven. I have a cordless phone, so I walk in, open the oven (as I'm talking to Nell) so that the pizza doesn't burn. I walk back into the living room [is the tension building for you too?] and we are rehashing the current theory espoused by Blair and Nell about the air currents and I am naturally scoffing .. pooh-poohing it.

All of a sudden, I cry out "Holy [explicative deleted]!!!" You are not going to believe what I am watching .. one of the balloons broke free from the pack, ducked under the lip from the living room, and ducked under the doorframe into the bedroom!! Unbelievable! The heat from the pizza oven came crawling along the ceiling - caused the balloon to sink, and the air currents did the rest.

Sure, Scott, you are saying to yourself .. fine, here is proof. I set up the camera, manipulated the strings to get one ready, reheated the oven .. opened the oven door, and scurried over to the camera to start it. Here is an animated GIF (about 1 meg in size) that shows the tale of "When Balloons Go Bad!"

Animated Gif of Balloons going bad!!

Ok, I suppose it should be said :

Sorry for doubting you, Blair and Nell.