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Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my
bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove
the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest
and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you.
S. Berman
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday,
from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap
dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your
way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change
your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my
instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope
this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
Dear Maid -- I hope you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning
the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening
I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my
medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and
have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little
Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving,
brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.
S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps
which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which
were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your
Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience.
I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed
inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did
not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if
I can be of further assistance.
Your regular maid,
Dotty
Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that
you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your
maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you
will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have
any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal
attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel
for business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6 PM.
That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already
off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about
those little bars of soap.
The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in
today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine
cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room
shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of
soap. Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to
your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further
assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8 AM and 5 PM.
Thank you,
Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper
Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my
room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and
had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap
problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room
since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time
they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately.
Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in
last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little
bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you
realize I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath
size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.
S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them
removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap
was missing so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had
been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily
(sic). I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously
your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also
brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got
the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some
bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
As of today I possess:
- On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4
and 1 stack of 2.
- On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
- On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of
4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
- Inside medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
- In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
-On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
-On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks
are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks
of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my
bedroom window still is not in use and will make an excellent spot
for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another
bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order
to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman