>>>>> Here are some horrible puns to entertain you.........
>>>>>
>>>>>  Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a
>>>>>   fire in the craft it sank -- proving once and for all that you
>>>>>   can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
>>>>>
>>>>>   Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to
>>>>>   Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in
>>>>>   the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one,
>>>>>   naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
>>>>>
>>>>>   A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The
>>>>>   bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom
>>>>>   says, "Why not? I'm a fungi!"
>>>>>
>>>>>   A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He
>>>>>   sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who
>>>>>   shot my paw."
>>>>>
>>>>>   This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while
>>>>>   in his hometown for the holidays. After looking over the menu he
>>>>>   says, "I'll just  have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a
>>>>>   while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the
>>>>>   waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The waiter sings, "Theres no
>>>>>   plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
>>>>>
>>>>>   When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
>>>>>
>>>>>   A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for
>>>>>   a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
>>>>>
>>>>>   Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each
>>>>>   other.  One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost
>>>>>   an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"
>>>>>
>>>>>   Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's
>>>>>   novocaine during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental
>>>>>   medication.
>>>>>
>>>>>   A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
>>>>>   standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
>>>>>   victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the
>>>>>   office and asked them to disperse.  "But why?"  they asked, as
>>>>>   they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts
>>>>>   boasting in an open foyer."
>>>>>
>>>>>   A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a
>>>>>   hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his
>>>>>   habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03
>>>>>   p.m. One afternoon, as the  end of the workday approached, the
>>>>>   bartender was dismayed to find that he was  out of hazelnut
>>>>>   extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made
>>>>>   with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at
>>>>>   his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This
>>>>>   isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry," replied the
>>>>>   bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
>>>>>
>>>>>   A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for
>>>>>   something to eat.  He came across two men. One was sitting under
>>>>>   a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his
>>>>>   typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book
>>>>>   and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers
>>>>>   digest and writers cramp.
>>>>>
>>>>>   There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent
>>>>>   in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns
>>>>>   would win.  Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
>>>>>
>>>>>   A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these
>>>>>   alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a
>>>>>   wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me
>>>>>   crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's very
>>>>>   simple. You're two tents."
>>>>>
>>>>>   A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them
>>>>>   goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to
>>>>>   a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends
>>>>>   a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she
>>>>>   tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
>>>>>   Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins--if you've seen
>>>>>   Juan, you've seen Amal.