Newtonian Warning Labels

    Traditionally, product designers have been concerned about the 
effects of classical Newtonian physics, warning consumers of a product's 
chances of catching fire or exploding or generating a shock.  The 
onward march of quantum mechanics, however, raises new questions as to 
how informed consumers should be about the products they buy- and how 
best to describe potential dangers.  While no products yet bear these 
warnings, you can expect them in a decade or so (trust the lawyers).

WARNING: This product attracts every other piece of matter in the 
universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force 
proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional 
to the square of the distance between them.

HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This product contains minute electrically 
charged particles moving at velocities in excess of 500,000,000 
miles/hour

ADVISORY: There is an extremely small but non-zero chance that, 
through a process known as "Tunneling", this product may spontaneously 
disappear from it's present location and reappear at any random place 
in the universe, including your neighbor's domicile.  The manufactorer 
will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.

THIS IS AN 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the unlikely event that this 
merchandise should contact anti-matter in any form, a catastrophic 
explosion will result.

NOTE: The most fundamental particles in this product are held together 
by a 'gluing' force about which little is currently known and whose 
adhesive power can therefore not be permanently guaranteed

ATTENTION: Despite any other listing of product contents found hereon, 
the consumer is advised that, in actuality, this product contains 
99.9999999999% empty space.

COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The subatomic particles (electrons, 
protons, etc) comprising this product are exactly the same in every 
measureable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, 
and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.

IMPORTANAT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The entire physical universe, including 
this product, may one day callapse back into an infinitesimally small 
space.  Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existance 
of this product cannot be guaranteed.