IF OPERATING SYSTEMS WERE AIRLINES.....

     DOS AIR.. Passengers walk out onto the runway, grab hold of the 
plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, then jump off when 
it hits the ground. They grab the plane again, push it back into the 
air, hop on, jump off..

     GEM AIRLINES.. The same as DOS, but with more leg room to push.

     MAC AIRWAYS.. The cashiers, flight attendants, captains, baggage
handlers and pilots all look the same, act the same and talk the same. 
When you ask them questions about the flight, they reply that you don't 
need to know, don't want to know and would you please return to your 
seat and watch the movie.

     WINDOWS AIRLINE.. The terminal is neat and clean, the attendants
courteous, the pilots capable. The fleet of Lear jets the carrier operates
is immense. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushes above the clouds 
and, at 20,000 feet, explodes without warning.

      OS/2 SKYWAYS.. To get on board, you have to have your ticket 
stamped 10 different times by standing in 10 different lines; then you 
have to fill out a form that states how you want your seating arrangement 
to be - whether it should have the look and feel of an ocean liner, a 
passenger train, or a bus.
 If you are successful in getting on board and getting off the ground, 
you have a wonderful, enjoyable trip - except for times when the rudder 
and flaps freeze shut, in which case you have time to say your prayers 
and get your personal things in order before you crash.

     FLY WINDOWS NT.. Passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac 
and place them on the outline of a plane. They sit down, flap their 
arms, and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying.

     UNIX EXPRESS.. Passengers bring a piece of the plane and a box of 
tools with them to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing about 
what kind of plane they want to build. The passengers split into groups 
and build several different aircraft but give them all the same name. 
Only some passengers reach their destinations, but ALL of them believe 
they arrived.