Heaviest Element Discovered!!!

        The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered
by the scientists at Arizona State University. The element, tentatively
named Administratium (Ad), has no protons or electrons, thus it has the 
atomic number 0.
        It does, however, have one neutron, 75 associate neutrons, 125
deputy neutrons and 111 assistant duty neutrons. This gives it an atomic
mass of 312.
        The 312 particles are held together in the nucleus by a force that
involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called memos.
        Because it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. Nevertheless,
it can be detected chemically, because it seems to impede every reaction in
which it takes part.
        According to Dr. M. Languor, one of the discoverers of the element,
a very small amount of Administratium made one reaction, that normally
takes less than a second, take more than four days to go to completion.
        Administratium has a half-life of approximately three years. At the
end of this time it does not actually decay. Instead, it undergoes an
internal reorganization in which the associates to the neutron, deputy
associates to the neutron, and assistant deputy associate neutrons, all
exchange places.
        Some studies indicate that the atomic mass actually increases after
each reorganization.